New Year Resolutions...Yawwwwnnn!!

There goes another year 2012 and hops in 2013. There are people who tend to ponder over the last year and make up new year resolutions (only to break them on the 2nd of January). So, I am not going to go blabbering about my last year. It hasn't been that good after all. New year resolutions is something I can look at again this year may be.

New Year Resolutions are more or less like the birthday balloons that everyone is eager to burst as soon as the cake is cut. Most of us are a kid when it comes to committing to something for self improvement. Remember the last time you told kids to not to eat chocolates, because it may spoil their teeth? I am very sure, the same moment they would have started imagining all different kinds of sweet delicacies, and would be eating even more. Specially when you give these To-Dos the name of a new year resolution, there is hardly a chance they will get met.

He who breaks a resolution is a weakling;
He who makes one is a fool.

But still, always like last year I looked at some of the new year resolutions, to think if I could pick up one. Here it goes:

1. Lose Weight: Well, I have been trying about it for over 4-5 years now. I have only gained never lost. Whenever I try to lose it, it always finds me. Not being lazy has never been a resolution and probably that is the reason I still have a gigantic satellite antenna around my waist. People would say control your diet, but I have always been on a diet. A seafood Diet. I see food and I eat it. Out of my league, something that hasn't happened in 5 years, is hardly going to happen this year. Let the nature's course run. Well, the positive side of it is, I still have only 2 chins... so far..!! Well, as the great Ramadhir Singh in GOW said - "Beta, tumse na ho payega!!"

2. Quit Drinking/Smoking: This is the 2nd most common resolution people take up. Irony is I don't pursue any of these already to quit. I have seen people not drinking for as much as a month, then it would be one of their close buddy's birthday and they will dilute their resolution with the Tequila shots and forget about it. "Arre, mere dost ka birthday hai yaar, wo mera bhai hai!" and "I only drink Socially" are the common phrases that are heard after breaking this resolution. Smokers have even less of a patience. They can't even stand a day. The very 2nd day, you would see them asking people "Bhai, Sutta hai kya?" because they threw away (more likely ashed out their lungs)  last night while they were talli. I certainly don't need to have any of the 2 resolutions. I don't even drink socially! I can blabber without being drunk.

3. Saving Money: Being financially dumb (and I accept it honestly) there is a hardly a focus I give on any of the money matters. I have been spending carelessly and on a better part, transferring money to my Indian account once in a while. I have been generous enough to throw the money around and not to care about it, that is me being dumb. But there are some things in life that I have always considered immaterial, money is the first of them. So would I save money? While I wait for my 3rd amazon order worth over 2500 Rs this week, I say no! Although, I said no to another prospective (and expensive) trip a friend was asking me about.

As Ayn Rand said - Money is only a tool. It will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver.

4. Plan a trip: Last time I checked, I did not win a lottery or a million dollars while I was in Vegas. Trips need expenditure and working in a mediocre job in a mediocre salary, does not make it any easy either. Now although it would sound like, I am in America but still cribbing about money? Well, Is there a single person in the world who doesn't. I have seen enough of America already and America and I are through, I will be moving on to my next destination, as soon as I get outta here.

 हमको मालूम है जन्नत की हकीक़त लेकिन,
दिल बहलाने को ग़ालिब ये ख्याल अच्छा है।।

5. Learn Something New: Hmm... But Learn what? Guitar? Tried - Didn't learn anything, and I am anyway over age to impress girls, so not guitar. Photography? - Well, I am still learning for more than 3 years now, have I learned? No.. Just spent more, learned almost nothing. Painting? - I am already a cook, once I start painting and Silai Kadhai kinda stuff, मेरी माँ कोई अच्छा सा लड़का देख के मेरी शादी कर देगी!! So, that's not an option either. Martial Arts - Yeah, goes well with those dunlop tires around my waist right? Stop the madness! New Language - I understand many, and moreover this is something that you do for once and then forget about it. I didn't have anyone to say "Ohayo Gozaimasu", in the morning did I? Those Japanese skills went in vain.  Well, even though I don't brag about it in my blog or in person, (not even bragging now :P ) that I already have tons of skills ;) That's what I hear from friends at least while they are forcing me for getting married. :P

                    So all the big ones are gone. There is another forced one that people have started floating around this year, is getting me married. What is the big fuzz about getting married people?

Me : Marriage :: Sachin : Retirement

That's about it! I will avoid that question as long as I can, and will submit one day without any will of my own. I am not making a new year resolution this year as well. Better not to make one rather than paving hell on it a week later. So as far as New Year Resolutions are concerned,

"बेटा, तुमसे न हो पायेगा, तुम्हारे लक्षण ठीक नहीं लग रहे।।"

P.S. - Happy New Year everyone! May god give you a big fat bank account and a thin healthy body. (Dear God, please don't mix these up, like you have been doing it for me year after year!!).
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Total Stupidity

Fatso turns blogger..

Thnx to the inspiration crazybugga.

Presenting you some of the most stupid things i did in my life...

Starting from the beginning... As far as i remember..
Don't remember my age exactly for the events, so will tell you in the order of my school grades and college.

1. Class - 1
I took Rs. 6/- from my mother, for getting a copy of the group snap of our class. I was so happy to hold such a big amount in my hands, on the way to school. Suddenly a big guy came from nowhere and took the money off guard my hands. All i could do at that time was crying out like hell.. The crying was so loud that people came out of their homes. Till then the bully was gone…Damn him.. I could have caught him and give him some punches here and there. Ok.Ok.. I couldn’t have done anything.. he was huge.. like a rhino.. I got a bad beating from Mother at home..

By the way.. I was on leave on the day, when the class had taken the group snap…

2. Class-2
Wow!! Such a wonderful thing is a matchbox.. what a beauty.. how do they light it? Here it goes… the match is burnt and.. Damn!!..The shed over our rendezvous is burning.. Oh..God.. Does grass burn like this quickly? By just a little match? People out on the street are blabbering some thing.. Suddenly.. SPLASH!!!! And then a THUDDDDD!!!!! It was my mother who had put the fire off with a bucket of water and almost knocked me off with the empty bucket…Thank god it was made of plastic.. All I could here after that was a sharp sound like.. sale..kutte .. kamine.. akal ghas charne gayi hai kya? Apne hi ghar me aag lagane chala hai bewakoof…

People have no respect of experimentation and innovation.

3. Class-3
My first day at the new school in the new place.. Oh it's a living hell.. how big is the nose of Patel sir? My god.. how can they beat like this an 8 year young kid. Not getting a single word what that Sanskrit teacher is talking about.. In my old school only cute, beautiful madams were there. No sirs at all.. That was heaven.. How will I be able to study in this stupid place. Oh.. there are so many people here much more intelligent than me.. At my last school I was the Topper. The topper among the class of 6 students..
The second day. My father has come to drope me to the school gate. NO… I am not going in today.. Just when my father left.. I ran away from the school.. Thank God!! No body noticed me. Wow!! So wonderful it is to be here outside the zoo(school).. See the pond.. there must be fishes inside.. Damn!! When will I learn swimming? Such big and lovely buses are here at the Bus depot. Does the blue one go to my Granny’s town?
See the kids in the farm.. they don’t have to go to school… Why me? Such nice it is to be playing all the day.. STOP..What time is it?? I can’t roam here and there for the whole day.. Ok.. Let’s go home..

Mother – How come you came so early today?
Me – Our Sanskrit teacher is not well today.. so they called it a day. (Such a bad excuse.)
Mother – hmm?? How can they….. Ok Ok.. go and have your lunch..
Me – ( Flawless Victory. I am a Genius.!!! )

I tried the same trick for the second day.. while I was wandering in the city my neighbor caught me and took me home. I am still able to visualize the fire in my father’s eyes..

After the day.. I never bunked a single class either in school or college.. ( I do bunk office these days.)

4. Class – 5
Why the place there is so much crowded? Oh.. they are having a dance competition here. All the participants belong to children of the Rickshaw Pullers, labours and so do the crowd and the place. Oh.. they have started. A 4-5 year old short heighten kid is on the stage. The music starts.. Muquabala..Muqabala.. Oh Laila… The kid is throwing his legs here and there.. His hands are not moving.. The right one is trying hard to keep his pants from falling and the left one is wiping out the running nose frequently.. The crowd is cheering and whistling.. The music stopped.. The boy gets a Pack full of biscuits and one copy and a pen.. The second boy went on the dance floor.. The same song is being played again.. The kid starts Jumping..(i.e. dancing actually.). Oh.. His dance is the same that we do every Saturday at school.. PT.. the weekly drill… The music stops.. The boy gets a reward of a big bar of Rs 2/- chocolate and a pencil and a pen..
My ego hurts… How can they give away rewards to silly ugly looking boys who are just hopping to save their pants.. DO they have ever heard of what is called Break-Dance.. I will show them.. I went and gave my name.. Next was me.. The same song started again.. I am dancing.. Wow!! Mithun Chakrabarti can you stretch you legs like this? Govinda, you can’t even move the body like me.. I am such a great dancer.. Somebody shouted.. "Are Wah Maharaj",,, Somebody stopped the music in between… My name was called.. I was rewarded with 2 pieces of biscuits and an ugly looking pen.
These people can’t identify the talent. They even don’t know what dance is..
I gave my biscuit and the pen to my maid’s kid who was laughing next to me.. MY mother could have beaten hell out of me, if she had come to know that I participated in such a competition, in a Rickshawala’s colony. Whoofff.. Break dance is very tiring. I’ll be famous one day.

Now-a-days i don't dance.. I have to take care of the people around me.. It may lead to an earthquake..

That is all for the first post..

will post stupidities from rest of my life soon.. it is full of them...

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